Montague Wallace was an old man living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. "Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Wallace, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad." Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace, please accept my condolences." The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Wallace," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas. But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Wallace, " I told you yesterday t hat my Private Part died . "Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" "Well, he replied, "Today's the viewing." --

I remember as a kid I really wanted to be a nurse because I thought the uniforms were awesome. Now nurses all seem to wear "scrubs." These look like pajamas- very unattractive.

I'm due in 3 weeks (yay!) and want to make sure I have everything we will need. We want the baby to stay in the room with us and I plan on breastfeeding. For me: - 1 nursing gown w/robe and nursing bra - 1 set of pajamas - 1 going home outfit (comfy yoga pants & nursing tank top) - 2 pairs of underwear - 2 pairs of socks - 4 sanitary pads and 4 breast pads - 1 tube of Lansinoh breast cream - all toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, etc.) - 2 copies of my birth plan - 4 prenatal vitamins (since I'm breastfeeding) For Baby: - 1 going home outfit (dress w/ undies & socks) - 1 blanket - 2 diapers, wipes, baby powder, baby oil Should I bring my breast pump and boppy pillow? Is there anything I should pack for my husband? Am I forgetting anything?

A nurse goes into a patient's room and finds the patient very depressed. "What's wrong Mr. Jones?", she asks. "My penis died this morning.", replied the patient. Not wanting to argue with him, the nurse said, "oh, I am very sorry. Is there anything I can do?". "No", said the man, "I am just going to have a small funeral for it, that's all." The nurse left the patient, and a few hours later, she found the same patient walking down the hall in his pajamas with his penis hanging out. "Mr. Jones," she said, "why are you walking down the hall with your penis hanging out?". "Well," he said, "I told you my penis died this morning." "Yes, I remember.", the nurse said. "and I was going to have a funeral for it.", he said. "Yes, I remember that too", the nurse said. "Well," he said, "this is the viewing."